Funny Quotes

Handpicked funny quotes — meaningful funny status, lines and captions to share today.

Learn then remove 'L'.
Smile…It confuses people..!
Error: status unavailable
God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me
Eat…sleep….regret……repeat.
Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.
Scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal my status
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
Online by public demand
When nothing goes right..!! Go left.
When you mess up a guy's hair, he thinks it's cute, but when you mess up a girl's hair, just hope you're wearing something bulletproof.
Etc= End of thinking Capacity.
Status Unavailable! Check Later
Installing love. ……44%. Installation failed. Error 404: install money first.
life is short…smile while you still have teeth.
You hate me, I hate you. Problem? ♥
I Am Not Special , I Am Just Limited Edition
God created the sleep, and the devil created an alarm clock.
Totally available!! Please disturb me!
Do You Want To Go Out With Me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B.
i know you look on my status.
Awesome ends with Me, Ugly starts with U
Give me some sunshine…! Give me some rain…! Give me a another girlfriend…! So I ENJOY once again…!
I am not virgin, My life fucks me everyday.
Try to say the letter "M" without your lips touching.
Teachers call it cheating, students call it teamwork.
im 99.9% sleepy all day
Sorry about those texts I sent you, last night, my phone was drunk.
Cool thing only happen when you don’t have a camera.
I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
Non-urgent calls only!!
Kuch bhi Bolo But Dil???? to Chasmis Ladkiyaa hi Churatii hai.
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.
Hey,you are reading my status again ?
AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.
i’m tired, i need money
You can't stop loving short girls.
Study economics-when you’re unemployed, at least you’ll know why.
A real girl is not perfect and a perfect girl is not real.
Never hide your "last seen", let people know that you're ignoring them.
You are special.... But not for me.
Girls worry about the things that guys forget. Guys worry about the things that girls remember.
We Live in Generation Where, "Deleting history is more important than creating history "
I’m cool but global warming made me hot
I just want a boy that's gonna say he loves me without my makeup.
70% boy Have GF ,other Have Brain!
At least mosquitoes are attracted to me.
Not always "Available".. Try your Luck.
My laziness is like 8; Once it lies down it's infinite!
I Wish My Parents Were Like Google. They Should Understand Me Even Before I Complete.
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
Trust me you will dance- Alcohol
You have to be ODD, to be number ONE.
Never laugh at your wife's choices... you're one of them .
Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
One wise guy invented Whatsapp… and his wife added last seen feature
The women cries before the wedding and the man after.
I’m pretty sure my prayers go directly to God’s spam folder.
"A man falls in love through his eyes, a women through her ears."
Things can change a women's mood- 1) I love you 2) 50% Discount.
Great power comes with great electricity bills.
Someone’s status is “Driving” since 5 days. I guess he reached Dubai.
Someone writes “Urgent Calls Only”. Don’t get it… Are you in the police or ambulance service.?
If there is no chocolate in heaven…”I AM NOT GOING”.
Phones are better than girlfriends, At least we can switch off.
I am Waiting for GF Message!
Ladies, when you have got a king, don’t reshuffle the pack, because you might end up with a joker.
Mans are many but money is money.
Just saw the most smartest person when i was in front of the mirror.
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. HER HEART.
WARNING!! I know karate …..and some other words!!!
No guts, no glory, no brain, same story
Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
You cry, I cry, …you laugh, I laugh…you jump off a cliff I laugh even harder!!
having 1 child makes you a parent having two makes you a referee.
If the speed of light 1000,000 km/s, what is the speed of dark?
You don’t realize how many clothes you have, until you wash them.
Women’s mind is like a weather it may change anytime.
All girls are my sisters except you.
Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist ????
If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.
Born to express and not to impress.
When A Man Steals Your Wife, There Is No Better Revenge Than To Let Him Keep Her.
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
What happens if a doctor's wife eats an apple a day?
Girls use photoshop to look beautiful.. Boys use photoshop to show their creativity.
By all means marry if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once!
I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
Brain is the best worker,When you can use it
A broken promise is as good as a lie .
A party without cake is just a meeting.
You’re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
If you can’t change a Girl… change the Girl.
i just want a boy thats gonna say he loves me without my makeup.
Relationships are a lot like algebra… Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
Food, Water, Sleep, Love, Whatsapp, Repeat it.
Autocorrect is like that person who just graduated college and think they know everything.
Virginity is not dignity, It is just lack of opportunity.